the last hurrah.

So we left our Mexican resort and arrived back in LA at about 6 PM.

the flight itself was uneventful beside the fact that they took our chocolate tequila we bought for Emma's dad as we forgot to put it in our checked in baggage.

Fucking customs.

This was to be our last night in LA.

We also had the next full day to follow our hearts and dreams and to go shopping or do whatever else we wanted as our flight home was around 10:30 PM.

Emma had found us a hotel called El Tres on Sunset that was conveniently located next to Tiki Ti, LA's oldest remaining tiki bar. its been there since the 60's or some shit.

This place has 12 stools and makes 80 different tropical themed drinks. 

How good, an proper authentic tiki bar. 

I'm for this.

They don't sell any beer and are only open 3 days a week and it is probably one of the last bars in California you can still smoke indoors as it is owner operated with no other staff. 

Grandad build the place and worked there till he was 80 or so now it is run by dad and son.

The smoking was also it's downfall for Emma, who as you may know smells a cigarette and gets a sore throat, so we had one delicious  Zombie each and left.

Cool bar, although it looks like it would be an dick ache to dust.

After the tiki bar, we went to Garage pizza and had a slice of LA's finest New York Pizza. 

Apparently the pizza here tastes better as they use 100% new york water.

Emma orders pizza.

oh god help you, this is what our blog has become, we are almost at the end...

The pizza was yum!

Anyway the hotel Emma found was something recommended by Nora Jones in Elle Magazine.

To me that sounded like it could be some kind of "hippy dippy poetry love-in", but it was actually really good and I recommend staying here if your in LA.

Totes people, this is buy far one of the comfiest places to stay in L.A, quite large and not expensive, wish we had found this on the earlier stays.

The Tiki bar is pretty much next door, Vacation Vinyl is just up the road and there is another pretty cool bar and restaurant just downstairs. What more could you want in a location?

Maybe a little less noise when your trying to sleep but if your going to be out on the town anyway the bar closes at 2 AM so it doesn't really matter.

the off street garden-bar entry.

cute kitchen, just like being at home

Like Santa- making a list and checking it twice.

Also the hotel actually has some nice decor. Including a horny chair, ornate bed head, obligatory arty lamps that are impossible to figure out how to turn on, a record player with some cool records and tons of shit ones as well as a good selection of books that kind of focuses on LA' s historic music and movie scene- including a punk rock book with Darby Crash from the Germs on the cover.

Yep, that's how I judge a hotel. if it has punk rock books with dudes from the germs on it, I'm sold.

this chair is "horny". Seriously- I am pretty hilarious.

bedhead.

loved the wall paper!!

On top of all that a quick drive up the road takes you to "the best fish taco in Ensenada".

Again this was a recommendation that Emma found, from her mate Gwyneth Paltrow. 

I can only assume Emma was probably on the google machine searching for celebrity vagina when she got the result "Gwyneth Paltrow's fish taco". 

I love this store. If it were legal to marry a store in California I would.

 "Lets vote no to proposition 8"

So after a good night sleep in the Norah Jones hotel, we got up did a little bit of shopping (I did Amoeba records again and Emma did some lady shopping) then we had lunch at Gwyneth's "best fish taco" place.

Finally a goddamn fish taco!  Seriously... how good are they?

I think they could be my favourite food group. yes- fish taco is a food group.

These were definitely good and could very well be a contender for best fish tacos- in Ensenada at the very least as per the name of the place.

Gwen knows her fish tacos.

Very pretty on the outside. the logo cost about 12 dollars to design.

Holy shit, FISH TACO!

Nom Nom Nom.

Look at him go.

On a side note, I've always thought of Gwyneth Paltrow as a kind of a beige boring rich kid, I probably based that on just her name her overly brushed dead straight hair and the fact she's kinda mainstream and safe in movies. 

(doesn't show her boobies).

…but after seeing her on the Graham Norton show saying she was into early 90's gangster rap, managing to recite a verse of NWA lyrics and now giving us  the fish taco recommendation I think she may be alright.

After Nom Nom Noming it was on to some serious shopping, I was in charge of the Nav Man thing and dutifully typed in all the places on the mega list that Emma had created (this shopping list was numbered in order of what was important and also proximity probably alphabetically but i didn't check), most of these places were lady shopping places.

It was a numbering system, 1 being the first place we would drive to, 7 being the last, a simple yet effective system. By 5 o'clock we managed to tick off all places on the list, stress free.

Emma doesn't have enough dresses like I don't have enough records.

We went to Beverly Hills and some fancy shopping spots where celebrities are known to hang out, (we didn't actually see any) as well as some shopping malls, shopping centres, shopping strips, shopping shops anywhere there was a shop we seemed to go there and Emma shopped.

This is the view from Sephora on Hollywood blvd, as I gazed longingly out the window dreaming of my freedom.

I generally tried to stay out of the way by finding a book store or something so Emma could shop without me looking bored, shuffling along 2 steps behind her. 

I really try to be interested but I just can't fake it. The best thing I've found is to just get out of the way.

Some kind of shopping place somewhere, it had a Barnes and Noble bookstore.


This was the Grove- never been here before on all of my buying trips, won't be going back again either, bit touristy and no good stores, although I did manage some purchases.

We did manage a final visit to Vacation Vinyl as well, where I bought a couple 'Record Store Day' (or RSD to those in the know) exclusive things. 

Record store day just happened to be the day before and apparently there was a line up the street to get into the store way before opening time.

I'm really glad i wasn't trying to shop on that day as I absolutely hate lines.

Americans seem to love them, its like if there isn't a line its not worth bothering about and they will gladly line up for just about anything. the line up for a pinks hot dog was around the block, I've seen less people at a Bon Jovi show.

So after all this we had an hour or so to kill before we had to be at the airport. 

So we decided it was about time to get another fish taco. 

It was the only thing to do really.

I had been to this place called Cactus a couple times before as a friend used to live on the same street. 

When Blood Duster and Captain Cleanoff played in LA we stayed with him and ate these tacos.

He has since moved but the tacos stand is still there.

These were as good as I remember, and easily equal with the self proclaimed "best fish tacos". 

This area of Hollywood is a little dodgy and I think the heightened sense of fear makes them taste a little better.

Then it was  time to punch the last address into the Nav Man and off to the airport we go.

By the way if anyone is planning to go to the US anytime soon, we have a fully functioning Nav Man we are willing to sell.

way cheaper than renting one and an absolutely essential item even for the most seasoned traveller.

Nothing much to report from this point, we checked in, got on a plane and now we are home.

The flight wasn't too bad, we even got a little sleep. Emma got way more than me of course, but that's just how it goes.

Since we've been home?

The Bad:

1.  I unpacked all my records and as I went to put the first one on my amp broke. 

2. Emma has a nasty sickness that i think stems from breathing in all the awesome clean plane air.
kill me now!


3. The weather sucks in Melbourne, although L.A wasn't that much warmer. 


4. The eating anything and everything cause your on holidays must now come to an end.

The Good:

1. Emma decided she wanted to cook us a nice home cooked meal for our first night home.

    We had fish tacos, and they were delicious.

    Easily the best in Reservoir, As recommended by Jason on this blog right here.

2. We were sick of living out of a suitcase, its nice to go to a drawer instead of a zipper and get your undies.

3.  It's just good to be home and not have to go anywhere.

4. Good to see Booey again, Family and Friends.


After much discussion on the many places we visited, our favourite place was the Californian desert. Death Valley and the Joshua Tree. (Jason would say Amoeba Records in L.A) We didn't "find" ourselves in the desert or any corny shit like that, it was just a place where we felt would be cool to hang out for a while. It was hard to narrow down as L.A was amazing, as well as Mexico, and Palm Springs, oh and Scottsdale, and 6 flags Magic Mountain, but over all a once in a lifetime experience that we will cherish forever. I guess this is the sign off, the end of our travels, a sad moment really, thanks for reading, we hope we entertained you or at least bored you for some of your day, until the next time, peace out bitches.

Later.

Jason and Emma.

Last full day in Mehico.

Our last full day in Mehico has been a full blown activities day, the sun was shining all day, so we decided we should spend at least one day getting amongst it all. These snaps are of where we started around the beach pool.

After a few hours of sun and pool we decided to paint some Mexican skulls.
I think mine looks like it was done by a 15 year old who just bought his first Iron Maiden record.
I really did have good intentions, but I just got bored by the time I had painted it a brilliant shade of beige.

Maybe I should have just left it beige? or just covered it in some "sick as" tribal tattoo art?

Jason has been so envious of all the tribal tattoo's he's been seeing around the pool, I think he might stop into L.A ink on the way home.

Emma only took about 6- 7 hours to do hers and i have to say it started to frustrate me to wait for her to finish.
I really just wanted to get started drinking heavily and go shoot air rifles about the place.
Her painted skull does look good though, like a proper person of full mental capacity and a flair for art did it.

Jason was checking what I was doing with mine the whole time and when he became inspired by my painting technique and use of colour, he got bored very quickly. Frustrated artist. I win again.

We got the lady to paint white over the original lines so we could express ourselves freely. 

These were some that had been painted before, inspiration.

Starting out.

Jason's Mexican wrestling mask creation.

The Artist at work.

After waiting for about another 7 hours of Emma's painstaking skull painting I decided to do the shooting and drinking thing after all.

No one seemed to care too heavily about gun laws and stuff, I'm sure there are some rules and things, but I didn't see any evidence of overt safety protocol.
He did briefly mention in passing "not to shoot anyone" and that "this is the most powerful air rifle before the become illegal" so there must be someone, someplace caring at least a little.

Tomorrow I can do full blown rifle shooting at the same place, right next to the tennis courts.

Here are the photos of the teacher and Jason shooting, the teacher had quite a sense of humour. Guns = humour in Mexico it seems. I had one go and gave up, all to manly for a lady like me.

The guide was also a little crazy posing for the camera, not much protocol y'all.

Emma is off at the moment partaking in awesome activity number 3 for the day (drinking, swimming and lying in the the scorching sun are not counted in this list of activities) currently Emma is at the resorts spa getting one of the most expensive massages in the entire world.
I'm pretty sure its about a four billion pesos every time she goes there... and I think that this is the 30th time this week.
At least she will be nice and relaxed when she get back to OZ.
...and she should be really pliable and soft with all the kneading that's going on.

Tonight there is a Mexican fiesta going on in the theatre area of the resort, they already have pinatas and stuff hanging all over the place to let us know its about Mexico.
All I can say is that they better have a goddamn fish taco for me to eat.
I've been eating snails, Indian, Chinese, Thai and all kinds of burgers and hot dogs but haven't even seen any evidence of a taco anywhere near this place.

I'm beginning to think that the Mexicans don't actually know what a taco is.

Here's a photo of dudes getting some props ready.

We check out tomorrow arvo and I'm fully looking forward to doing another night and day in Hollywood, partly because as Emma has found a tiki bar where we can buy overpriced "knock your dick in the dirt" drinks and partly because I can frequent a couple record stores again.

I really, really love a good record store.

That's not a threat people, he really does.

I keep thinking I don't really need  to go, but every time they somehow manage to lure me in and I browse the fuck outta the place.
My fingers will physically start to hurt from flicking through thousands and thousands of records I have absolutely no interest in.
...but then every now and then I will find a little piece of black vinyl gold like some dusty old used re-issue that I will never play for a couple measly bucks and that makes me want to do it all over again.

Jason's description above sounds like hours and hours of fun, something that I liken to being in hell. 
I have not seen a shop properly for 4 weeks. Between that and a couple of hours in Wholefoods I'm not sure we will have much time Honey? 


Oh yeah I also saw a crow eat a hummingbird today. Crows suck.

I would probably eat a hummingbird if out was presented to me in taco form right now.
such is the craving I have for the taco.

We are going to the supposedly best taco place in Los Feliz L.A- called the "the best taco place in ensenada" recommended by my friend Gwyneth Paltrow.

Alright screw you guys I'm going swimming again, its too hot and Emma will be back from the spa pretty soon.
I'm sure there are plenty more activities I will have to partake in before the day is out.

later.

Oh the below is Jason being a werewolf, when we got home after the Mexican fiesta, we turned all the lights off in the room and used the iPhone to highlight the body while the camera was set on a slow shutter speed. The things you do when you have loads of spare time.
We have really outdone ourselves with our photography skills, admit it you are impressed. 
Well its Jason who is really behind most of these amazing photos, I'm still learning really, the the new camera is the tits I tell you!

more, more, more.

Hallelujah- We have found a good restaurant in this place!
We were so excited especially now we only have 2 nights to go!

They have really put some hard thought into the restaurant names here, I guess they are keeping it easy for the Amercian's.
It's Basmati for the Indian, Agave for the Mexican and Barcelona for the Spanish.

So the new favourite is Basmati, the Indian restaurant.
I think it was the best Indian food I have eaten. Jason is a long term lover of Indian food, but doesn't get to eat it much as I'm not a huge fan, but he was super impressed, maybe it was really shit, as its been so long since we've eaten it and all the other restaurants here are so not the shiz?

Nah bullshit mate, this was indeed the tits. 
I know my indian and this was some good stuff.

Tonight we are going to try the French. This one is called Chez Isabelle. Will report back on that one. I would say we will be eating at Basmati tomorrow night for our last night in medico.

We've had the french now as I type this and I can confirm that it was pretty good.
I had the snails and the duck. the duck was a little bit gamey and a little too much fat for my delicate tastes but the snails were really good, they weren't covered in garlic and shit to hide them like they normally are, you could actually taste what the snails were like... and to think I've been throwing these little things at moving cars.
They were like chicken with an oystery type texture I guess... hard to describe. they were good though.

Anyway aside from that, what other shenanigans have we been up to?

Pretty much zero, finding it hard to fill in the day actually. There's just too much sun, pool, food, lizards and drink.

That's because someone wakes up hung over al the time and finds it hard to get off the sun bed.

Oh, I did beat Jason today at pool, 3 times straight.
One of those games he did not get a single ball down I might add. And there were no pants down either. No fun. I win.

After that sad and surprising loss on my part, we played Jenga that I fuggin killed that shit. 
Then we played connect four and I totally smashed Emma a few times at that.
Seriously, at everything besides pool I'm pretty much the best. Ever.

The other night we met a couple consisting of crazy Brits at the bar and partied with them at the Martini bar, then retired to the nightclub where it was hiphop night, much to Jason's disappointment.
They played the same 3 songs as the last time we were there. and it only took 3 songs till we exited the joint.

Wouldn't have been so bad if it was actually some hip hop. 
It was the same dance tracks they played on dance night. I'm pretty sure they would play the same songs on reggae, metal and krump night too.
In fact they probably only have  3 records.

These crazy Brits introduced me to the "iceberg" good drink. Basically its a beer with frozen margarita floating on top. This Drink is real, and this is Mexico.

Emma never did finish this drink, she was too busy dancing like a mental patient. it was the drink that put her over the edge.

Today we went on a shopping tour of Cancun. We didn't go yesterday as I was way too hung over.
We hadn't been to Cancun city as yet- as we are actually staying south, just near a town called Puerto Morelos. Same coastline.
After seeing Cancun today I have given myself a huge tick of approval on my resort selection. Cancun itself is quite beautiful but the resorts are huge!
They dominate the coastline and there is more concrete than gardens as far as I could see.
I'm sure inside those big places, they would be lashed out with gorgeous gardens, but it was all a bit high-rise for me.

The shopping tour itself was pretty crap, I don't want to "Mr. bitter complainey guy" but I could have been at one of the "seven wonders of the world" but no, I instead spent the afternoon trapped at one of the "seven wonders this place hasn't been closed".
The hotels are all inclusive, so there is really no-one with a need of going shopping, therefore there are no real shops as far as I can tell. 
Just half empty shopping malls of stuff that belonged at the vic market... thats if vic market was mexican and shit.


I think the happiest thing that happened on the shopping tour today was when a couple didn't make it back on time at one of the stops. So we just left that couple and the tour guide behind.
We later found out that the tour guide never found them and they caught a cab somewhere on their own. Good times for them and me.

Yeah, fuck you if you can't read a watch. You deserve to be left behind.
I've very rarely seen Emma happier than when the decision was made to move on without them.

Oh and finding some Mexican touristy stuff. The first market was the best, so much colour.
Also when we were looking back on the photos when we got back, we realised we didn't take many of the markets, so apologies as the photos below are a bit random, and kinda stupid really.
Anyway- Enjoy!

This is the fountain outside our hotel.

Me beating Jason at Chess.

Hah, Emma simply makes up her own rules of chess. she's a rule breaker. and most probably a deliberate cheat at most games... but more often simply a rule breaker. she's like full blown anarchy.

Hey Amigo, which one is the Bandito?

Some pretty coloured buildings in Cancun.

Just after I found out the couple didn't make it back on the bus.

how happy is she? Smug as.

Large Mexican bull.

Large Crocodile outside the "Outback" Aussie bar, he was going in for the tit grab.

We ate a deep fried onion at this place, traditional Aussie food apparently.

Cancun's main beach, in a part where there are no hotels. 

The water is as blue as it looks here.

The hotel staff have assured us that the weather is going to be sick as tomorrow pity that Emma has run out of sunscreen. 

I predict a serious burnt Emma arriving in Australia in a few days time.

there is no way she will be able to stay out of the sun if its shining and she doesn't want to wear my 30 plus and i may not feel like sharing.

MEHICO.

Hey its Emma here (Jason in italic) 

Well its been a few days in this magical resort and I have been very busy making sure my initial promise to Jason that I made upon arrival is being adhered to.

That is that we need to maximise the time here, and if that means we have to stay up 24 hours a day to enjoy it then we MUST do so.

I can tell you that it's grade A bullshit to be on holiday and not be allowed to sleep in, relax, watch TV or simply choose not to swim right now....I pretty much can't do anything without written permission.

Desipite the promise I  have actually started to relax more and not stay up all hours trying to cram everything in.

I still have been greeting him brightly every morning when looking out the window to our mote with "'its a nice day outside, you should get up".

More like the clock hits 7AM and someone feels that they are missing out on a brief second of life, throws the curtains wide open to let in ALL the sunlight Mexico has before doing everything as loudly as possible until I'm forced to get up.

Don't know how you call that "greeting him brightly".

Generally the photo below shows where we have been sitting each day. 

The weather has been up and down, sunny mornings and pouring rain in the afternoon for a couple of hours. 

Last night was torrential so we found ourselves at the bar again. oh whoa is us.

This bar was called the Martini bar and I'm sure you can guess what their specialty is.

Jason was all over that shizzle, starting with the original Dry Martini. I must add here that our resort is one of those "all inclusive" resorts so wherever you are eating or drinking everything is free (well we've payed for it somewhere) so something just comes over you, like you need to get your money's worth.

So we are going for the record at every bar, proving that we are from Sunbury and Wangaratta after all.

The first Martini I had was pretty good and I felt a little like James Bond sitting at the bar drinking out of those cool shaped glasses, so I had another and another.

After a while I seemed to be getting a odd feeling of lightheadedness.

This is where Jason turns to me and says, I possibly may be a little drunk from these bad boys.

There are roughly 10 bars at this resort and there are just as many restaurants that cover all types of food. French, Asian, Indian, Italian a bit of everything.

Although the food is possibly the only thing that we haven't rated highly yet (compared to our Melbourne foodie standards) I mean you'd think the Mexican restaurant would have rated highly, being as we are in Mexico... nope. 

I'll be fucked if I can find a taco on any of the menus around this godforsaken place.

where have all the fish tacos gone? have I eaten all of them? has the world run dry of the fish taco?

Maybe you are to drunk to see them?

The Asian restaurant last night was the best so far. 

Each day we are greeted with an activities list for the day, from bike rides to archery to Pilate's to coconut tooling... none of which with have considered taking part in yet.

The blue water pool and cocktails have been calling us. 

Another view from our room.

Jason's taken a liking to this spot.

Below is a view from the bridge at night, this is where 2 huge Iguana's like to sit, where you feel like you need to get permission to cross. Jason makes me go first every time.

Yeah, and the simple reason I do this is because they may attack.

The below is a view from our favourite outside bar, where our favourite barman Jesus mixes up some very unholy cocktails.

Yesterday we did our first tour for the stay. 

This would also be our last tour for the stay. 

Yes,  I did get up a little rusty the morning of the tour, possibly from spending far too long at the bar the night before (had to be on the bus by 7:15) but this tour ended up being a 12 hour tour to a magical place called 'Xel Ha' and 'Tulum'. 

A little rusty? hung over and cranky at the entire world more like it.

Its just felt like 10 of those 12 hours were spent waiting for assholes to get the fuck on the bus!

Catching a bus is not a difficult task people.

I mean if I can get there on time?

We waited at each resort stop for that token couple that could not find the bus for what ever reason, just to make that big bus ride extra special in length. 

When we got back, I canned our second booked tour which was going to be of a similar ilk, another 12 hours of bus riding, there was no way I was coping with that deal again. I don't think they have gotten onto the 6 people private tour deal here yet like Thailand, not enough competition? They love a big bus here in Mexico. 

Poor Jason. 

The tour that emma cancelled was only to one of the seven wonders of the world, no big deal.

I mean I'm sure we will get back here one day and then we will see it.

Emma did manage to book a shopping tour instead though, so it will all work out.

Anchient Myan ruins or a shopping centre? you decide.

Anyway my grumpy morning bus shenanigans quickly faded upon hitting this place called Xel Ha, it was like a natural sea world in the Caribbean waters. This place had dolphins, snorkeling, Manatee (sea cows) and  tubing down a natural river to where the water was aqua clear.

There was also a little bit of rain and another all you can eat buffets that did in fact put on the best Mexican spread we have ever laid eyes on.

It was my mission today to touch a dolphin, and that I did.

Xel Ha Natural water park.

Look at this little bugger, Jason snapped this one.

I swear to god this little dolphin had been trained to distract tourists from taking photos of the real show. this is done to force you to buy expensive photos of your loved ones frolicking with the other dolphins that the tour guide takes.

Like as soon as emma was playing with a dolphin in the distance and I would try to take a photo- this little fucker would pop his head up and splash around playing funny buggers and as soon as someone else was playing with a dolphin and I didn't need to take a photo, he would simply disappear.

Dolphins can be jerks.

Yep, there I am with a bunch of kids, acting like one, the Dolphin was giving me a kiss on the cheek here. Lovely.

This is me and the Dolphin dancing. His crumping style left a bit to be desired.

Then this is when we all joined hands in the water and the dolphins swam around us, kinda felt a little like sharks circling us, but I still loved it. By the way, there were some adults in my group of people, you just can't see them. 

The dolphins feel warm and smooth, kinda what you would expect, but they were always very gentle and I loved every minute, as you can tell from my smile. Jason wasn't into meeting the Dolphins, I think he was scared, but said it was important that he takes photos on the side lines. 

I'm not scared of dolphins, I just don't trust em. They have faces that look like they want to steal from you and I'm not buying the whole, "we want to be friends" vibe.

they're up to something.

We then went to our second stop of this tour which was at Tulum, this is where some Columbian Mayan ruins are set on a beautiful beach setting, pretty amazing, and old. Like pre '84. Maybe more like AD564.

I think it may have beens Sam's era, does this look familiar Sam?

Today we spent some time at the beach pool that was 'till it started to spit rain.
 We retreated to our special safe haven and spent the afternoon there. I took this photo of Jason before we left, chewing on a bit of toe. 

He likes toes. A lot.

That is about the closest I'm going to get to putting any part of a hoof in my gob.

No sir, that is not "the tits".

...but the Pantone colour of the year on the toes is.